Trigger
by I.A.Turner
Summary: Eeny, meeny, miney, mo. What once was a children's game has taken on a new meaning to Beth Greene. A harsh reminder of the worst day of her life. He's gone, kidnapped before everything..before she could share their brand new beginning. Before things changed.
1. The Shadow

_Eeny, meeny, miney, mo, catch a tiger by his toe.._

There's a change in the air. The kind of change that cannot be physically felt, not seen, not heard - only sensed. The kind of change that's forced, acknowledged in the way the hair stands up on the back of their necks. Something _not right._

It's in the air around her, in the icy chill, in the burning blood that spatters her cold fingers. It's everywhere.

Then she hears the footsteps. Confident and hard, punishing the gravel under his boots. She bows her head and shuts her eyes, steeling herself for another blow, another wave of acid blood showering her freezing skin - but it doesn't come. She's met with deafening silence and the blood pounding in her veins. Everything they'd overcome, the life they had built for each other, with each other is over; ground into the gravel and coating the silver barbs of his bat.

"Sweetheart. Lay your eyes on this."

She hears the voice, feels the ripple of shock so hard that it shoots straight to the centre of her body, but she's doesn't move. She doesn't dare, doesn't turn to check to see if Maggie is still alive, if _he's_ still breathing because it's _here._ The dark shadow. The leather clad conductor of this hell they have found themselves in. He demands to be heard.

"Take a damn, _look."_

It happens in a split second, there's a roar; gravel pings against her knees and dust flies. Beth can't help but whimper as he's tackled in an instant and when the dust finally settles he's coming face to face with Lucille. The shadow waves it back and forth like a deadly pendulum and for a second the world stops.

He's going to die. He's going to die here in the dirt, he's going to die believing he's the one thing he was always terrified he would be; nothing. Here at the very end he _knows_ his father was right. Those words twist his empty stomach with shame, burn the back of his throat with self-disgust. He forces them down, back into that small part of his soul he kept hidden from everyone but her for so long, and swallows thickly.

"Oh, _no._ That, oh _my_ that is a no no. The whole thing, not one bit of that shit flies here!"

He's running out of time.

"You want me to do it. Right here!"

Beth's heart is hammering now, so wildly she can barely hear anything else, it batters her ribcage like a jackhammer against concrete.

" _Please, no..no."_ She pleads, her cry muffled and distant. She knows it's dangerous, bating the bear but Daryl's face is paling despite the scowl and red blood pools at the roots of his hair as the shadow pulls tighter with each never ending second.

"No?! Did you, just fucking tell me no?" Ice fills her stomach, numbing her from the inside out. Her knees, her shoulders, her arms. She can't feel her fingers.

She can almost feel her family tense up beside her and she doesn't think she imagines Maggie's panicked crying. Then her hands are engulfed in blackness, something grabs her shoulder and chin tilting her heavy head up insistently and her eyes fly open before she can stop herself. Deep dark orbs bright with sadistic glee are the first thing she sees. Slicked raven hair. His merciless grin. Her lungs are seizing up and she can't breathe, can't, can't -

"Did you witness what just happened sweetheart? That's not how it works." The shadow looks at her and the numbness fades with a faint tingling sensation, and as he raises a hand to gently touch her cheek she's painfully aware of three things: that the rocks under her legs have pierced the skin. That the shadow's gloveless fingertips are soft. That they are warm.

She speaks then, roughly and slowly. Each word a weak, colossal effort. For all she knows - they might be her last.

"Don't hurt him, _please.."_

It's unimaginable and electric; the shock of fear that slices through her at the look on his face as he stares intently at her and back at him. A few seconds of silence pass between them, nausea wretches at her stomach and she tries desperately not to panic. She knew it was dangerous, speaking out of turn but this she never saw coming. The deadly leather clad shadow threw his head back, cackling; the barbed extension of his being jolted back and forward as he rocked manically through belly laughter.

"Fuckidy fuck! You two? Together..oh fucking my!"

"Just for _that_ I'm gonna let _him_ live.."

A short sharp breath exits her lungs in a rush, it hurts but the relief that floods her body warms the part of herself that had been frighteningly still all day.

"I said I wouldn't kill him, but I didn't say I wasn't going to try doll.."

She doesn't get time to entertain what that might mean, he's strutting up and down the line demanding and deadly.

"Ah, I already told you! First one's free. Then what did I say? I said I'd shut that shit down - no exceptions."

 _Firstonesfreefirstonesfree.. No._

"So, back to it!"

There's no time. For a long, long second they don't move. Can't move.

 _Glenn._

She lurches forward, stones stab under her fingernails as she grips the ground yelling helplessly as her family is massacred right before her eyes.

 _Bone is crushed, blood gushes and teeth fly in every direction. There's gurgling, breathing, pain._

 _Maggie I'll find you._

That's when she loses it. Maggie crumples, collapsing in on herself - there's no lashing out, no half hearted attack just screams of anguish, contorted almost beyond recognition around her sobs.

 _There's jokes, crying, screaming, pain_

Then it's over.

The shadow is no longer just that, in the cold light of dawn he's _man._ It's unfathomable how much devastation one person can bring. And he's smiling - strutting to and fro swinging the bloodied bat like a trophy.

"Things have changed. Whatever you had going for you, that's over now.."

He's still talking but it falls on deaf ears; Rick their leader is now a mere shell of a man rocking imperceptibly in front of them all. Sasha trembles beside her. Eugene cries pitifully into his hands that cage his bloodied face -their friend and lover decimated a few feet away and Beth isn't sure that Aaron is even in his own body anymore. They're broken, their pain witnessed by strangers and handed to them by just _one._

They were happy this morning. Maggie had strolled down the stairs of their home showing off her new hair cut. Rick and Carl had joined them all for a celebratory breakfast and they'd been happy. Now they were broken, fractured beyond repair. This morning she was complete, now she's barely anything at all.

"Dwight!"

The command tears Beth away from her thoughts and when she looks up she finds her line of sight filled by a straggly dirty soldier. He has the crossbow. The one Daryl had only let her handle, the day she'd joked about not needing him but ever since then Beth had found herself never wanting anything else but Daryl Dixon.

 _Negan._ He turned sharply staring her directly in the eyes as he did it - ripped her world to shreds with a simple flick of the wrist.

"Load him up!"

 _I said I wouldn't kill him, but I didn't say I wasn't going to try doll..._

Everyone looks on, worried but helpless as the love of her life is dragged like an animal to the slaughter. It hits her then, realisation crashing down on her brain like a tidal wave.

It's unintelligible, her whimpering scream as he's shoved into the truck. Even Maggie cries and tries to reach out but she beats her to it. She dives forward, despite the nausea and pain she screams scrambling through the rocks and dirt to reach him.

"No! P-please.."

Rick can't stop her in time but someone does. She fights against a bruising grip but it doesn't come from the chuckling man in front of her it comes from behind and it hurts.

A cold pair of hands grasp her arms but the pain and white hot rage pushes her forward. Quickly the weight from behind her slides against her leg and knocks them out from underneath her sending her tumbling forward into the razor sharp gravel.

She screams, Maggie screams and so does the Man.

Beth yells out as the stones tug at the fragile skin of her stomach as she's dragged backwards against the stones. Hot blood dribbles down her chin, her front teeth taste of metal and pain jolts through her head when she opens her mouth to take a breath. She can't concentrate on the pain for long because something's happening.

The shadow had yelled so loud and for so long she could barely focus but he was angry. Not with her; the girl who spoke out or turn not once but _twice._ No, he was screaming at the man who'd caused her teeth to puncture her bottom lip, who'd forced her down so hard that specks of blood seeped from her stomach into her shirt. _Oh god. No..no._

It was like a light had been switched on then. She couldn't breathe, couldn't focus on anything but the panic that had taken over her entire body.

"Beth.." The voice was hoarse and broken but familiar. Maggie was looking at her, sunken green eyes rimmed with red locked with her own in a gaze that held no promise of hope, no reassurance that it'd be okay. It was a look of reality. It said Be Prepared.

She felt pain, but not _that p_ ain. Beth knew then that she was going to take that for what it was. Hope.

It didn't stop her from crying though, clutching at her clothes and curling in on herself in despair.

"Hey. I know it's hard on you doll."

This time, the voice is different it's like a chainsaw threatening to tear her limb from limb the closer it gets. This time, the gloveless fingertips are ice cold and purposeful in their hold of her chin

"He's got guts. Your guy. Not a little _bitch_ like someone I know. He hurt you, I'm sorry.." She would have believed it - the man _Negan_ his words of empathy nearly convinced her that he was truly sorry;

"Your guy, I like him. He's mine now. You still wanna try something? Trust me sweetheart, I'll cut pieces off of..." It goes silent, his soft grip on her chin loosens and he looks around at his men in question.

"The hell's his name?"

He looks into her eyes and the blood turns to ice in her veins. His stubble covered chin and dark eyes begin to blur as tears flood her face.

"What's his name sweetheart?"

She chokes, she's probably lost the only thing that's keeping her alive and the anger has gone; faded away, resignation filling it's place.

"What's. His. Name." His grip tightens just slightly.

 _"Daryl.."_

"I'll cut pieces off of Daryl and put them on your doorstep or better yet! I'll bring him to you and have _you_ do it for me.."

Satisfied with her response, his grip disappears and she can breathe again. It's barely even a pulse of her lungs if that.

"I'll be back for my first offering in one week. Until then. Ta, ta!"

This morning they were happy, it was a brand new beginning.

But everything changed.

The kind of change that's forced.


	2. Help, I'm Alive

The woman that comes home is not the same Beth Greene who left. She's older, quieter and broken beneath the dirty yellow polo she wears. Red rims her eyes, haunted and lost. She's walking with assistance. Limping though the real damage is to her soul.

Curious Alexandrians are watching curiously from the window. Some rush out, Eric, Spencer and Enid but all they can do is stare. They've returned from war but not unscathed.

"Glenn and Abraham are dead. "

 _There's crying, yelling, pain._

Glancing down, Beth takes note of her own body and feels more exposed and vulnerable than she ever has. She pulls Daryl's old tattered poncho tighter around her shoulders. Thinks of sunshine and summer, of blinding smiles and soft unexpected kisses. Things were better back then. So very different.

Above her, the sky explodes in a burst of pink and yellow, dawn is breaking as it always does.

But everything is wrong.

 _He's our family too._

It's cruel. That a heart can keep on beating even after it is ripped in two. It's so cruel, that it's almost perfect.

Someone once told her that they all had jobs to do, but here she was, thinking about how it would feel - being torn apart. She imagined the intense pain of her own flesh being ripped from her bones, maybe she'd pass out before it got too bad. Maybe she wouldn't. But nothing would be as painful as this.

It's a long time before she's able to move, tears dripping from her chin, eyes red and burning, and when she does it's only to lift her head to press her face firmly against the matted brown hair of Maggie's head.

"I'm so sorry" she whispers, the words coming out hoarse and scratchy. "I'm so sorry." A deep, shuddering breath forces its way into her chest. Another. Then another. "I came to say I'm sorry." she rasps, forcing her eyes to open. Pulling back her knees quake beneath her as she stands barely able to hold her own weight. Beth knows she's not supposed to be here;

"You have to rest." Harlan had told her before they left. At least that's what she remembered.

 _Beth's gone into some sort of catatonic shock._

The brain has it's ways of protecting the body, burying experiences and emotions under a haze so it doesn't cripple the body entirely. For that she is thankful. But it was different, back then, back when she was begging for help to take her life. But now, she silently begs for Maggie not to take her own.

 _I wanna go, in this bed tonight with you beside me._

Maggie was strong, much stronger than she herself ever was but now, barely standing at her bedside Beth doesn't recognise the sister that she once knew.

 _Mom would be ashamed, to learn she raised such a coward._

"Maggie please.." She holds her breath, awaiting the rage, the screaming and crying but it's just a whisper, a soft puff of air following the lifted bed sheet.

She needs no invitation. Sighing in relief Beth tucks herself under the duvet, but can't shake the feeling - the horrible tingling sensation at the back of her mind that something was wrong.

"He's gone.."

The tingling stops then, giving way to a horrible emptiness.

 _Glen's gone._

"I'm sorry, Maggie." She breathes the words one more time. Just one more. Like she hasn't been repeating them like a mantra, over and over again. Dealing with grief, feeling it is easy. But _watching_ it, is nothing she's experienced before. Not like this.

It's ever present within her sister. Now as she's pressed against her side Beth can feel the cold, the shakes and sobs the wreck Maggie from the inside out.

Slowly she sits up, wincing unintentionally at the pull of her stitches - there's something Beth knows she's forgetting but it's blurry and painful, then it's gone. So she focuses on Maggie; who sits up in bed, fresh tears trickling down her face. She looks so lost and afraid like a frightened little girl in a woman's body. Beth reaches out in the darkness beneath the sheets, her hand finding the cold form of her sister easily.

"I..it's not your fault Bethy.."

A minute ticks by, Beth reminds herself to breathe. She aches right down to her bones and sitting in the same position for too long is making her back throb painfully. But Maggie _forgave her._ Forgave her for something she can't quite remember but Beth knows it's important and suddenly can't remember how to form words.

Beth closes her eyes and runs her tongue over her swollen purple lip, hoping the pain would strike a chord within her foggy brain and make her say something, anything but nothing would be enough. So she has to stick to what she knows, it's the only thing that matters in the moment.

"I love you.."

Then Maggie's fingers curl tightly around her own, her grip strong and familiar and she starts to shuffle forward curling into her side like a child. A tiny smile threatens to grace her face as she's thrown back into the past; Beth used to do this, snuggle with Maggie when the summer storms hit. Their limbs tangled together for comfort.

"We'll be okay won't we?" Maggie breathes.

The bedroom door creaks open and Rick appears. For half a second he stands stock still, his captivating eyes are bloodshot. Like an extinguished candle they melt into an ever growing darkness of misery, no longer flickering with hope. His bandaged hand shakes on its hold of a black drawstring bag.

His mouth lolls open and closed before he visibly steels himself and moves closer to the bed. Rick wipes dark curls from his raw eyes and speaks, his voice coarse like fragmented rock.

"This..This was at the gate."

His voice quivers as if she were holding a gun instead of only empty hands. Their broken leader looked nothing like Beth had known him on the Farm; Hands that were once steady and strong tremble hard, sending the contents of the bag tumbling to the floor.

She had held onto it with hesitant hands that day, her dirty yellow shirt pressed up against his wings. Then again as she peeled it slowly off his broad shoulders. Beth remembered giggling as Judith swung carelessly off the back, leaving marks in the leather.

There's so much blood.

" _Negan._ He.."

 _"He's gone.."_

It's like a switch, the flickering candle light is extinguished in a second. In that moment, it's raw and burning - the all consuming emptiness gnawing inside of her is _hell._ She knows that every waking moment from here on out is agony, knows that her best friend, her _love,_ is gone and never coming back. There's a part of her that will never believe that he won't there to wrap himself around her back in their silent moments. Some part of her is missing. Some part of her being, has been obliterated and without it she's incomplete.

As she tears her gaze away from his wings she sees Rick through heavy tears, he's oblivious - they all are. Beth feels it then, the cold palm of her sisters hand rubbing her shoulder is a stark reminder that Maggie is the o _nly_ one that knows. Knows that the father of her baby will never get to know.

Silently she tumbles, giving Rick barely enough time to shoot out his callused hands. Even then her dead weight was almost too much to prevent the momentum taking her to the ground.

The brain has it's ways of protecting the body, but what if it doesn't? What happens then?


End file.
